So, our marriage boasts two highly diversified types drivers. Driver A drives when there are children, guests and old people on board. Driver B drives when we need to get somewhere in a hurry, expect to be lost, or heavy traffic is anticipated. Driver A has a clean record and a ready hand to wave another less-fortunate driver in. Driver B has several citations and a ready hand to lay on the horn when some moron tries to cut us off. I profoundly hope that, given the need, we will both be able to learn a little from the other to diversify our driving experience for changing life circumstances. However, for the time being our roles remain highly bifurcated.
Thus far, having two radically different options to put in the driver's seat has served us very well. For example, thanks to Driver A, we are both alive and well, still driving the same cars after 18th months, and still at the same, low insurance rate (Thank you, USAA). Thanks to Driver B, we successfully caught a flight departing in 60 minutes when we were 40 minutes out (per Driver A statistics.) Thanks to Driver B, we regularly negotiate downtown rush hour Chicago traffic with the same speed as the cab drivers, and make our way through accident and construction blockages twice as fast as anyone else. We also make rapid u-turns, illegal left turns, 3 pt. turns, 5 pt. turns, and 7 pt. turns, to get where Google-maps would have us go- however inadequately instructed.(No thank you, Google-maps).
Obviously, should you be instructing a young and impressionable driver, you would wish to call upon Driver A. Also, should you be transporting precious cargo (like children) fragile cargo (depleted Uranium rounds) or contraband items of any kind-Driver A is the way to go. But if you ever really, really, really need to get somewhere; if you ever reach some point where being late could mean a missed flight, or failing a final exam, or the end of your career---call Letty.
Laughing
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Richard University
I'm finding that marriage is a lot like getting an college degree. For the past 18 months or so I've been enrolled in Richard University, and, let me tell you, the coursework is intensive! However, unlike any other course of study I've ever pursued, the homework is consistently fun to do, and finally 'getting it' results in almost immediate rewards. When I finally get something spot on (like showing up with a bag of red apple flavored jellybelly's). Well, there is nothing quite like having a deliriously happy husband.
Of course, there is A LOT to learn, husbands being such complex and unique creatures. And they come complete with agency, the right to CHANGE what they like and how they do things at any given time. Richard University also has no graduation date, so it's important to keep a positive attitude. I like to think that I am the premier Richard Scholar in the world. As in, no one knows him quite like I do. I am delighted when people recognize my status as the most expert Richard Scholar alive, and call and ask my opinion about how to best express their love for him, or what present to buy him. I love casually dropping hints in conversation with friends to alert them to my high status as a Richard scholar...usually cheesy remarks that seem to invariably begin with "Well, my husband..." and "Richard is so funny..."
What have I learned at Richard University so far? Well, I will keep you all updated via this blog as I glean information. Look for postings that are titled Richard University. If you do NOT have a Richard-type husband, they could be very boring and non-applicable, but if you DO have a Richard-type, this could get good! Obviously no one has a "Richard," because I got the only one! BUT, I have exclaimed in enough conversations "Ohmygosh MY husband does the exact same thing!" to be firmly convinced there is more than one Richard-type husband out there. So if you've got one, here we go.
The first course at Richard University I'm going to put on record is Expectation Setting 101. I have learned to be very exact and precise when I want something, and have regretfully surrendered the art of hinting as completely futile. As a brand new newlywed student at Richard University, I would say things like "Oh, it's been such a long day, and dinner is no where NEAR done..." and expect him to cheerful don an apron and belly-up to the sink. NOT so much what happened. Instead, he'd smile and say "that's fine, I can wait" and continue reading the mail. Well, having completed Setting Expectations 101, I no longer become angry, or even inwardly muttering resentful. NOW I say, "Richard, will you take the next 15 minutes and help with dinner? It would be most helpful if you would start with peeling the potatoes, followed by setting the table with plates, silverware and glasses. If you finish both those early, will you please ask me if there is anything else you can do to help?" Originally I veered away from such explicit requests, because they sounded WAY too bossy. And maybe this sounds too childish for most of you. However, if your husband is a Richard-type husband, it could save you a lot of frustration!
Richard-type husbands would really, really love to be helpful, and are more than willing to spend 15 minutes helping you put dinner on. What they are NOT willing to do is be enrolled in an unspecified cooking adventure/indentured servitude with no end in sight. And they really don't like having their help dismissed or criticized after they've spent 2 minutes flinging plates on the table and then resumed their reading of the mail. After all, they DID stop what they were doing when you asked, AND helped you! And why are FORKS required! Sound familiar? Setting Expectations 101 helps me remember to always give Richard an out that lets him now how long I expect anything to take (talking, helping, visiting my parents) and a specific time after which he is allowed to leave without hurting my feelings or making me mad. And the more specific I can make what I expect him to do or contribute, the likelier it is that he will actually get it done without my harping on it later. And, from his perspective, the specificity keeps me honest about NOT requiring mind-reading as a husband-ish skill. Which is only fair, because, to be perfectly candid, sometimes I DO expect him to read my mind about things. Setting clear expectations up helps me to realize the difference between what I've ACTUALLY asked him to do, and what I just thought he should somehow miraculously know he should do.
Of course, there is A LOT to learn, husbands being such complex and unique creatures. And they come complete with agency, the right to CHANGE what they like and how they do things at any given time. Richard University also has no graduation date, so it's important to keep a positive attitude. I like to think that I am the premier Richard Scholar in the world. As in, no one knows him quite like I do. I am delighted when people recognize my status as the most expert Richard Scholar alive, and call and ask my opinion about how to best express their love for him, or what present to buy him. I love casually dropping hints in conversation with friends to alert them to my high status as a Richard scholar...usually cheesy remarks that seem to invariably begin with "Well, my husband..." and "Richard is so funny..."
What have I learned at Richard University so far? Well, I will keep you all updated via this blog as I glean information. Look for postings that are titled Richard University. If you do NOT have a Richard-type husband, they could be very boring and non-applicable, but if you DO have a Richard-type, this could get good! Obviously no one has a "Richard," because I got the only one! BUT, I have exclaimed in enough conversations "Ohmygosh MY husband does the exact same thing!" to be firmly convinced there is more than one Richard-type husband out there. So if you've got one, here we go.
The first course at Richard University I'm going to put on record is Expectation Setting 101. I have learned to be very exact and precise when I want something, and have regretfully surrendered the art of hinting as completely futile. As a brand new newlywed student at Richard University, I would say things like "Oh, it's been such a long day, and dinner is no where NEAR done..." and expect him to cheerful don an apron and belly-up to the sink. NOT so much what happened. Instead, he'd smile and say "that's fine, I can wait" and continue reading the mail. Well, having completed Setting Expectations 101, I no longer become angry, or even inwardly muttering resentful. NOW I say, "Richard, will you take the next 15 minutes and help with dinner? It would be most helpful if you would start with peeling the potatoes, followed by setting the table with plates, silverware and glasses. If you finish both those early, will you please ask me if there is anything else you can do to help?" Originally I veered away from such explicit requests, because they sounded WAY too bossy. And maybe this sounds too childish for most of you. However, if your husband is a Richard-type husband, it could save you a lot of frustration!
Richard-type husbands would really, really love to be helpful, and are more than willing to spend 15 minutes helping you put dinner on. What they are NOT willing to do is be enrolled in an unspecified cooking adventure/indentured servitude with no end in sight. And they really don't like having their help dismissed or criticized after they've spent 2 minutes flinging plates on the table and then resumed their reading of the mail. After all, they DID stop what they were doing when you asked, AND helped you! And why are FORKS required! Sound familiar? Setting Expectations 101 helps me remember to always give Richard an out that lets him now how long I expect anything to take (talking, helping, visiting my parents) and a specific time after which he is allowed to leave without hurting my feelings or making me mad. And the more specific I can make what I expect him to do or contribute, the likelier it is that he will actually get it done without my harping on it later. And, from his perspective, the specificity keeps me honest about NOT requiring mind-reading as a husband-ish skill. Which is only fair, because, to be perfectly candid, sometimes I DO expect him to read my mind about things. Setting clear expectations up helps me to realize the difference between what I've ACTUALLY asked him to do, and what I just thought he should somehow miraculously know he should do.
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