Bless Their Heart

A friend of mine recently pointed out to me that she found it ironic that many people use the phrase ‘bless their heart’ only as a preface to snide or malicious commentary on the subjects’ appearance or actions. Much struck by her observation, our group of friends agreed that it did appear to be accurate. However, once I got home I gave the matter further thought, and I have come to a somewhat different conclusion. Rather than using ‘bless their heart’ as an insincere attempt to cloak cruelty, I find that I myself (being a guilty party to the use of this phrase) and many others I remember observing use the phrase, do not use it spitefully at all. Instead it serves to literally re-direct the audience’s attention to acknowledge inner beauty. By saying ‘bless their heart’ first, I almost subconsciously wish to remind my audience that the person being discussed or commented on actually has a ‘good heart’ and ‘noble intentions,’ before describing actions or words (usually humorous) of that person. (also known as Gossip).

Obviously, not talking about other people at all when they are not present is a nobler way. Unfortunately, if I never talked about things other people in my life did and said, I would have absolutely nothing to talk about, so I remain a cheerfully unabashed and self-confessed gossip. But, I hope, never a mean gossip, and I think the phrase ‘bless their heart’ plays an important role as a mitigating factor! Honestly!

For example, if I was to say to a group of friends “The other day Susan and I were eating out and, bless her heart, she knocked her soda over into a neighboring customer’s baby car-seat, which was resting on the floor. Hilarity ensued…etc etc etc.” As an incorrigible storyteller, it is literally impossible for me not to retell such a priceless anecdote. Yes, it is gossip. And I do try when such things happen, to check with the person involved (if not myself) if I can “please oh please oh please tell people about this.” Usually they are fine with it. (Obviously I don’t always remember too, so if you don’t want to hang out with me for fear of having your foibles retold, it is an understandable choice).

Time runs on, and a few days later, I find myself using, as a preface to the story, the phrase “bless her heart.’ However, it is not a malicious phrase at all, but a casual reminder to the audience that the person featured in the story is a charming, lovely, and valued human being with a heart of gold, who just happened to do something hilariously funny/clumsy/unusual/etc. So, Bless Your Heart, reading this blog is not getting anything truly productive done in your day, but I love you for it anyway.